I would like to share something that happened to me. It was an interesting lesson. I thought that I understood this particular truth, but I obviously needed a refresher course. You see, whenever I think that I've learned something, that I understand a particular lesson, I will often soon get the chance to see if I really get it!

This process can be quite interesting and even amusing, if I just go with it and try not to judge myself -- or tear my hair out and scream "How stupid can I be?" etc. etc.!!  If I am willing to quit fighting and accept the situation I can get some detachment.  Then, it is as if I am taking an exam in a subject. It can be uncomfortable, but if I just calm down and think back over what I have studied and use what I have learned, it is soon over. Then,  I usually do alright.

Here's what happened:

There was a woman that I'd had a hard time working with for several months. She could be abrasive and quite angry, at times. I was sure she had some kind of a problem with me, since it seemed like every time that I had to work with her she couldn't resist being condescending.  she seemed to enjoy picking at me and had said things that were downright rude.  Although I stood up to her, she was very aggressive and unpleasant.

I began to dread having to deal with her. Once, I lost my temper and got very intense with her face. This resulted in her being more careful with her remarks around me, but it was not a satisfactory solution, since now we were both anxious when we were together. The situation was deteriorating and I couldn't seem to stop it.

At that point, I realized that I'd become part of the problem, but I just couldn't seem to get a handle on it. I  tried contemplating and praying about it, but had not received an answer ---at least not one that I could understand.

Things came to a head one day when we were engaged in some very exacting computer work with a looming deadline. The woman came into the area I was working in and the air actually seemed to darken. I felt stifled. I could not imagine spending hours with her in a small space -- not when I felt the way that I did about her.

After an hour or so, I excused myself and went to the restroom. I stood looking out the window at the parking lot, intensely wishing I were somewhere else. I felt nauseated by the idea of having to interact with her. I thought about pretending to get sick, of going out to get lunch...I knew that I couldn't. If I left it would accomplish nothing.

After awhile, she tried to talk with me, which was usually an invitation to criticism from her, but this time, instead of getting defensive, I stopped and I looked at her. I tried to listen.  I asked her how she was. 

When I first asked her, I didn't really care, I was just being polite. But suddenly, I felt an opening inside of me and all of a sudden, I meant it. She must have felt my new sincerity, for to my surprise, she began to tell me how she'd been feeling.

As she spoke haltingly, of her life, of how unhappy she was with herself and of how much pain she was in, she began to be approachable. I felt a great compassion for her, instead of irritation.  I was pretty amazed.

By the end of the day, I knew a great many details about her life and had shared a few things about myself with her.  I'd known she had a strong relationship with her Guardian Angel, but until that day I had not even tried to communicate with her through it. In this way she was no different than I; she was ignoring her Guide, just like I habitually ignore Joe!  "Well," I thought, "you  do teach what you need to learn more about!"

Her style of communicating was much different than mine, more intense and "pointy,"  but I know that I've had the same feelings that she has. I had no right to judge her. Underneath her pain and abrasive attitude, she was a decent person, doing the best that she could do. That day, I had indeed seen her light and beauty---seen past her wall and into her being. At the end of that long day, I was was able to truthfully tell her that  I could see her great beauty. She didn't have any snappy retorts to that.  Instead, her face softened and I thought that she was going to cry.  She thanked me profusely for being so understanding and listening to her. 

That made me smile. She had no idea. Even though she was mystified as to what I meant, I had to thank her. Seeing her great inner light revealed was the greatest gift I could have received. A real reminder of how easy it is to put people into those little boxes and judge them, before we ever get to really know them.

I am a realist. I knew this woman would still annoy me at times. She had a way of expressing herself that grated on the people around her.  After connecting with her that day, I was always able to see her as she was at her heart, and not just the caricature of her that I had defensively drawn in my mind.  

And, if I forget this lesson, again, I know there will always be another chance to remember!

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