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THE WALL
An exercise in Letting Go - and Taking a Look at the 'Scary Stuff!'
I believe that compassionate detachment is a major component of self-mastery and
God realization. This doesn’t mean that you have to walk away from your
responsibilities to live on a mountain. Mine is that path of self-responsibility
and that wouldn’t be very responsible. But, it does mean that you learn to let
go of your attachment to people, places, things, etc. Among other things, I
believe that it means that you love your fellow man but you don’t get into
dependent behavior.
A few years ago, I ended up in the hospital with a serious blood infection,
brought on by a kidney infection that had gone nuts. I felt sure that this was a
"waking dream" for me, probably something about elimination…letting go.
"Of what?" I asked.
The answer, a relationship I had thought long over and done with. So, I began a
contemplation. I closed my eyes & softly sang HU, a word which aligns one’s
energy with a very high vibration. Almost immediately I found myself before a
wall.
Here, I must explain the "wall" I saw. I clearly recognized it. It was a place
that I’ve spent many years, "sitting before", while in contemplation.
This is my understanding of it. I think of this "wall" as one that we all
eventually come before. We come to sit & reflect. As we "look" at it, the years
pass; the lives pass.
We may feel like painting our wall to make it look nice; we may note the rough
places and smooth them out, etc. In general, we spend quite some time making our
wall "pretty". But as time goes on, we grow bored with this, and perhaps a bit
curious. We wonder what is behind the wall. Finally, we climb up or trudge
around it, and look. And we are shocked.
Behind the wall that we have made so "nice" is a pile of trash and filth. The
most disgusting things that you can imagine. Everything is covered in this slime
and grime, so we can't see much. We don't want to look anyhow. It is too
upsetting. The thought of maybe ‘owning it’ is much too hard to bear. But the
truth is, it is all ours.
So we go back out in front of the wall and sit down again, trying to pretend
that we never saw the filth and garbage. Maybe we are able to forget...for a
while.
But at some point, in some life, we have to go look again.
Slowly, ever so slowly, we begin to clean it up, piece by piece. We find a lot
of trash, but there are also beautiful things, hidden by the dirt and filth. All
of the lives and the experiences that we have had are behind this wall.
Sometimes the shock of seeing something keeps us from looking at it again for a
long time. Of course, we'd like to think that ‘our wall’ has less behind it than
‘others walls!’ But we all have "a wall", and we all try to hide the junk from
sight!
I have spent my life looking at this wall, then behind it ‑ hiding for a while,
and then looking again. Cleaning it, finding my strength and beauty, inside and
under the dirt and the weakness.
So, once again, in contemplation, I sit before my wall. I sit there a while, and
then I hear a noise. This is something new! I’ve never seen anyone near my wall
before. I turn, and see a vehicle coming, off to the left. A trail of dust
floats behind it. As it gets closer, I see a run-down looking truck, painted a
faded blue.
The truck stops before me and a man gets out. Surprised, I instantly recognize
him as a spiritual Master that I have worked with before. He glances around and
then looks right at me and says, "I'm here to help with the job!"
He pulls out a ladder & a box. Pointing at the wall, he says, "Climb up the
ladder, drag out everything you can reach that directly relates to the
relationship you are trying to let go of. Then put all put all of the items in
the box."
I climb up and start pulling stuff out and putting it all into the box. With
encouragement, I reached into the pile of past life issues. I cried as I took
all of the "junk" out of the pile and examined each piece carefully,
remembering.
As I placed each item in the box I felt lighter and more detached.
Finally, after what seemed like a LONG time, I was done. I climbed down and the
Master came closer. "You forgot one thing", he said as he wiped the tears from
my face. "Put your grief and your feelings of betrayal in the box too."
Then, he asked me if there were anything else that I wanted to let go of, before
he left. I thought about a few expectations regarding a group I belonged to and
some "less than loving" actions a few members of the group had engaged in, with
me as the focus.
I climbed back up the ladder, but this time, found only a few items, one of
which was a small blue - clean - toy airplane.
Turning to look at the Master, I was about to ask him what this little plane was
all about. Before I could open my mouth, he looked at me with a smile and said,
"Hey, things may not always work out and ‘fly’ like you want them to, but they
can still work!"
“Wow”, I thought, “What a concept.”
It's true. Sometimes we have expectations that aren't very realistic, but if we
can drop them, something can still 'fly.'
With this, he climbed in his truck, gave a little wave & drove off.
Now, the tears on my face were tears of gratitude.
By the way... soon after this, my fever quickly broke, and I recovered nicely.
Hey, it works for me!
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NO
JOY... NO GAIN!
